Lately, I've been noticing how living the gospel of Christ has brought me joy in my marriage. This last semester I have
been taking a Marriage class, which has turned my world upside down… in a good
way. Ironically enough, I have been finding out that am definitely the one most
in the wrong! It really hasn’t been him, it’s been me! The fact that I am
stubborn and prideful may be old news for a lot of my family, but I can
honestly say I didn’t fully realize it until now. Maybe because I’ve been too
busy examining everyone else’s faults. If you can imagine my dismay and
probably how funny it has been for my husband to yet again see how I’ve finally
learned a lesson about the same thing he’s already told me a million times
over. He hasn’t ever just come out and said it, but I can see how it has
probably been a lot more obvious to him for a while now, yet he has remained
ever so patient, gentle, loving and kind.
People always give my husband a hard time,
joking with him and I, saying things like “How can you live with this guy? I am
so sorry. It can’t be easy.” It’s
usually the stereotypical things society believes to be typical of husbands
that he takes a lot of public flack for: being lazy, stubborn, not always doing
the best job the first time, being a little thick in the head… the list goes
on. The fact of the matter is though, I’m more often the one responsible for
all of the above!
Friday, before we left work (we both
work at an Assisted Living Community), a resident came up to us and began to complain about
the time change. She was seriously offended that the universe dare take an hour
of sleep away from her in her retirement, while Seth expressed excitement at
having an extra hour to do yard work, which seemed to surprise her. I just sat
there, thinking how much I disliked this time change too. She then started to
haggle with him as if she could strike a deal that might actually keep the
clocks from “springing forward.” She suggested that Seth do his yardwork on
Sundays, Seth pointed out that that’s the only day he and I get to spend
together, so he wasn’t going to do that. She then said I ought to get out there
too and help you, and I’m sitting there like “I can’t think of anything I’d
hate to do more than yardwork on a Sunday.” She started badgering Seth into
somewhat of a conversation corner, in which his only way out was the truth:
“Jordyn doesn’t like yard work.” However, to my serious surprise, Seth said
“You know why I can’t let her do that? She’d do a better job than I even could
and I can’t have that!” Seth and I both know that isn’t true, yet he very
sweetly kept my little skeleton in the closet and built me up to look like Wonder
Woman.
That’s just what my husband does. He
constantly builds me up and helps me to see the best in myself. He is much more
selfless and charitable than I, in so many different ways, yet I’ve found
myself (until recently) thinking that somehow I need to change his ways, lest
he not be found spotless at the Second Coming. I have spent countless hours
worrying about how he might not fit into the Kingdom of God and oh, what
sadness that would bring me, when all of this time, I’ve been committing the
much more serious sin. I’ve been living like a Pharisee for a long time,
disguised as that poor girl whose family wasn’t always active and whose husband
is a convert, as if that were a bad thing. I’ve been seriously guilty of pride,
casting stones wherever I saw sin, yet assuming I didn’t deserve to have any
tossed my way.
“And
if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men
weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that
humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have
faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether
12:27)
H. Wallace Goddard
says:
“Notice
the key elements. Our weakness is divinely appointed. It is intentional and
heaven-sent. And it has one purpose: to make us humble.
That
is the big surprise. God gave us weakness so we could recognize our dependence
on Him. Our central task is to make ourselves (with the help of our weakness)
humble. Then, as we turn our lives over to Him, He will make us clean and
holy.”
All of this time, I’ve been under
the impression that some of the hardest aspects of my life just “happened” to
me, and though I vaguely understood they were meant to change me for the good,
I didn’t truly understand that there was ultimately one goal that would solve
most of my problems. That goal being humility. And it turns out that has been
my biggest problem for a long time and it has caused me a lot of grief in a lot
of my most important relationships. I have a long ways to go, but living the
gospel has helped me to realize that it is not my job to fix my husband, it is
my goal to fix myself and love him unconditionally. God will bless us as He
sees fit, but being closer to Him is the heavenly elixir that helps us to become
more tolerant and understanding with our companions.
Goddard continues:
“…When
we presume to set our partners and our marriage right, we are intruding on the
Heavenly prerogative. We are seizing the reins from God. It doesn’t work. We
mortals make poor gods.
What
does work is to recognize our weakness and beseech God for the divine gift of
charity. Rather than tamper with our partner’s soul, we can throw ourselves on
the merits, mercy and grace of Him who is mighty to save. Only when filled with
heavenly light can we offer healing love to our partner.
This
is fully foreign to the natural man—that same natural man who is an enemy to
God. We want to fix our marriages using our own insight and wisdom. But, when
we recognize that we never see the big picture, that we cannot look into our
partner’s soul, and that there is only One who sees perfectly, then we are on
the path to a healthy relationship.”
There are two things that have stuck
out to me from Goddard’s teaching in his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage: Powerful Principles with Eternal
Reuslts,
- When we feel irritated with our partners (or really anyone for that matter, but especially our spouses) we should be grateful for this built-in mechanism that helps us to recognize an opportunity for repentance.
- Marriage is God’s finishing school:
“We will only succeed at marriage as
we use eternal gospel principles to become more of what God has invited us to
become. Marriage is God’s graduate school for advanced training in Christian
character. Those truly succeeding at marriage are those who are applying the
Gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives.”
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