Who doesn't love a good Nicholas Sparks romance? I have to admit, Nicholas Sparks movies are my guilty pleasure (along with anything Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, etc). I love romance! Sparks is a wonderful romance novelist who doesn't quite cross the line of skeezy, which I appreciate. As a writer and a woman, I commend Sparks for the way he makes many-a-woman's heart flutter. However, as a wife and future mother, I do that little "face-palm" thing, because he is setting E X T R E M E L Y unrealistic standards for relationships, love, and romance.
I wasn't a porn addict when I got married. I didn't read dirty romance novels. Those obviously set unrealistic standards and are destructive to relationships as well as the purity of true love and marriage. What I was eating up, with very little discretion, were Nick Sparks movies, Twilight, and any and every Disney romance there was (and then some). You may be thinking here, "Hold up now! Is she really trying to make a comparison between pornography and harmless Disney?!" Yes, I am, but hear me out. Obviously, there is very little, if any nudity or graphic or provocative scenes in this category of romance (more so in Nick Sparks, much much less in Disney), but there are some standards being set that aren't attainable for most people. I became addicted to those butterflies and the cheesy romance. I began to think that that was true love. Imagine my surprise when I finally got married and got my wake up call from reality!
After a little over two years of marriage later, I'm still enjoying Nick Sparks' movies, but for a different reason. This evening I went to see The Choice at the theater with a girl friend. I managed not to cry like a baby. The experience, though emotional and compelling, wasn't as chaotic as it has been in the past. When the credits began to roll I stood up and my first thought was "I'm so glad that's not my story." Let me tell you why: it's too much drama and none of it is real! How weird is it that I don't want to have the most epic fights that make it seem like we're about to fall apart?! I don't like being in rain; I can't think of anything less romantic. Granted, I've grown up and lived in a part of the states where the rain is never warm. I also take a lot of pride in how I do my hair on a daily basis, thus rain is my arch nemesis. Making out in the rain has never been a thing for me. However, according to Nick Sparks, this is a "must have" experience. So who's right? I'm going to spare you any further confusion: you and your partner only know what's best and what's right.
If you don't like: long walks on the beach, making out in the rain, going for a bumpy ride horseback (when you have no idea how to ride a horse), writing love letters for years to someone who may or may not be getting them, pining over someone who married someone else and showing up one day to win them back, "romantically" cheating on someone in a whirlwind romance, getting back with your high-school flame; if that's not for you, that's totally okay. There are a lot of other cliches I could include, specifically on the steamier intimate side, but I really don't need to. I trust you get my point. The point is, true love is not like that. There is a "honeymoon phase" that lasts about 3 months, give or take, then things get real. Imperfections become painfully obvious, the fun may be gone, and the romance may feel a little stale. This is the part where you have to make a decision about compatibility and the costs and rewards of pursuing the relationship. Everyone experiences these two steps, but not everyone goes forward. For those who do, their actions from that choice on determine the quality of the relationship.
Nichols Sparks had one thing right in this latest movie installment of his series: we are continually making choices in life and in love. Unfortunately, a lot of romantic media and literature portrays a story of love and romance that just "happens" to two people ("soul mates"). Certain things do befall us, but much of our fate is not pre-determined, especially when it comes to love. You may have heard that love is a choice that you make every day, or something to that effect. When my husband and I got married, some of the greatest advice we got was that marriage is work and it is well worth the effort. At the time, I felt like I understood what was meant and I was sure we'd make it. I can tell you now that I had no idea, but I have made choices based on that advice (and personal experience) that have gotten me and my husband to where we are in our marriage. We've both decided we're going to make it work. That's what we vowed to do, that's what we promised each other.
We make choices about how we speak to each other, what we bring up (and what we don't), and how we treat each other. There are hundreds of opportunities within a single day that give us the choice to build up or tear down our marriage. Lately, I've been trying to be less negative, more complimentary, and I've tried to nurture my fondness and admiration for my husband in doing so. I've done more to help endear me to my husband and develop a greater sense of awe - which hasn't been hard because he's amazing. The choice that I made to try to do these things has made a huge difference this week. I didn't fully realize that until that movie was over and, for once, I was extremely pleased to be who I was with who I am married to.
Given the choice between me and my husband, and a Nick Sparks couple, I'd choose me and my husband every time. I love our romance, it fits us. I love my husband; he is my best friend, greatest companion, and ultimate lover. Real life is crazy enough, I don't need the added turbulence of theatrical drama to make my love life feel epic. It is epic enough in just the right ways. I know I can count on him, I know I can count on us, and I know I'm being true to myself. I also know that none of that just happened and I love that too, because it proves that we are dynamic and beautiful creatures capable of feats much more epic than Edward and Bella or Snow White and Prince Charming. In the face of a very uncertain reality, a society that is growing sour to family and marriage, war, death, disease, poverty - you name it - I know who will be there by my side. We're Zombie Apocalypse mates for life and eternity to come, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yeah, there's nothing like a sappy romance to remind me of how lucky I am to have the story that I do have. I have my own fairy tale; I write a new page daily (though, sometimes chapters tend to occur in a span of a single day), and I prefer it to the rest. I am a die-hard romantic, yes, but I value true love over romance.
IMPORTANT NOTE: By all means don't stop watching Disney, Twilight, The Notebook, or what have you simply because I'm saying it sets unrealistic standards. We each know best what we can handle while remaining faithful to ourselves and our partners. It is important that we are critical about what we watch, read, etc. For some people these concepts have been obvious from the get-go, but we weren't all born critical-thinkers. People, like me, have fallen for the impossible and it is destructive.
Mothers and Fathers, do your children the justice of showing them a real love story (through your examples), and explaining the difference in movies and books. Wives and husbands, be honest with yourselves about your fidelity. Be careful about the feelings you stir up in your hearts and home, because the sneaky ones like to stick around and injure real love. I only wish to share a word of caution, not pass judgment! Thanks for reading!
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