Just recently, I found myself very upset and incredibly down. Having bi-polar and anxiety, this isn't an infrequent state - I tend to visit often. However, it was one of those times that felt more like a flip was switched before I had time to catch it. Those who have bi-polar know what I mean by flip-switch reactions. I've been dealing with this diagnosis since high school, so I feel pretty well in control of myself and can tell when something is going to trigger me. However, I just went from totally happy, having had a wonderful day at work and expecting to have a great weekend off, to extremely down, irritable, and flat. My husband, of course, noticed and wondered what was wrong, why things had changed so fast. Within about an hour, I went from bored to extremely irritated and I felt stuck.
It didn't help that my husband was only dropping me off at home and had to go back to work to finish a few things up (P.S. we work together). With a quick kiss, telling me he loved me, and a goodbye, he was out the door and I was sitting on the coffee table trying to make heads or tails of what had just occurred in such a short amount of time. After chalking it up to a mixture of bi-polar and boredom at work, I wondered whether or not I was going to sit there and cry or get to my school work. I figured that I may as well be comfortable while I let my feelings out, so I headed up to the bedroom and got changed. Before I walked out the door, I stopped and figured perhaps I could do something nice for my husband; he would really like it if I picked up all of my clothes and put them away (an occasion as rare as an eclipse, practically). As I got started, I found my mood improving a bit, but not all the way. I even went so far as to make the bed. I heard him coming through the door downstairs as I finished up in the bedroom, so I went to my office so as to appear unsuspecting. My mood had lightened quite a bit; no crying necessary! However, I still felt out of sorts and just really unhappy. Within the moments of just standing there wondering how happy he'd be when he saw that I'd cleaned up our room and made the bed, he made it to the top of the staircase with one of my favorite beverages in hand. I felt absolutely weak. I was also thinking, apart from how sweet he was, 'Thank goodness I did something nice too, I don't feel like I deserve him... like ever.' He handed me my drink with a verbal note: "For my sourpuss."
People wonder why marriage is important, or if it's important at all. Many have had really poor experiences with marriage, others (like myself, at one point) are extremely disillusioned about the reality of marriage and are pining away for that big day. Still others think that marriage is barbarism: the treading underfoot of Woman. I suppose we're all entitled to our thoughts and opinions, but let me tell you what I think. I need marriage. I need this man in my life. And it's more than a legal contract to me, it's making the bed, being a sourpuss that's loved by someone (at least), putting clothes away, making the bed, becoming a better person, and so much more. Oh boy, is there ever more to marriage! That's what I'm here to tell you, my two cents in real life experiences. How I see marriage and life from my side of the bed... which is the side furthest away from the nearest entry, in case of intruders. Yes, it has to be this way, because my husband wants to be the first thing between me and a dangerous intruder. Marriage is charming and endearing, yes, but it has a lot more substance too. It's just about everything we need to make it through this life into the next, and that's still not all folks! So hang around, I have plenty to say.
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