Not Your Mother's Two Cents On Gay Marriage: Part 1

Everybody, fasten your seat-belts, pull out your barf-bags, and be sure to put your oxygen mask over your own face (before helping another). I'm afraid we are hitting a bit of turbulence (or a turbulent subject): gay marriage. Only one blog entry down and suddenly she thinks she can talk about gay marriage? Who does she think she is? Ahah! "Credibility of source:" Very important indeed when considering whether or not to believe anything said source has to say. Right?

I'm a citizen of society, and a married one at that, that has a mind of her own with a voracious appetite. I've got all sorts of thoughts, ideas, plans, and ambitions. Most of them are family and marriage related, because that's what I'm most passionate about. I'm an online student at Brigham Young University - Idaho, studying to obtain a Bachelor's Degree in Marriage and Family Studies. I read and study scholarly articles pertaining to Marriage and Family in all of its forms and theories on a daily basis, so you can rest assured that I'm not flinging my opinion at you with no ground to stand on.Yes, I am LDS (a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), but it's important to note that I do not speak on behalf of the church. My testimony, thoughts, feelings, words and actions are all of my own; no one has told me what to say or think and I'm not telling anyone what to do or feel (though I'm prone to making strong suggestions).

Now that we've established this, let's celebrate being human: flawed, misunderstood, subject to a variety of tendencies, casual connoisseurs of many mortal poisons (whichever we like best); that is not all we are, yet many of us like to get hung up on those parts only. There is a long list of adjectives that describes humanity, you can find it in the dictionary. There is simply too much to say to sum us all up, but please know that I am one of the many who finds being human a beautiful and bittersweet thing. I say this out of 21 years of experience of being a human and 21 years of observing and learning about other humans. Forgive me if I offend, but I do not speak my mind to be offensive. I speak my mind to be heard, to be understood, and to find understanding among others. My quest is to seek and share truth: nothing more, nothing less. My request, as one human citizen of society to another, is that you read with an open mind and heart. If you cannot bring yourself to be open-minded or open-hearted, we probably have no business bumping shoulders, so I bid thee a kind farewell.

Phew! All of that said, I'll finally give you my two cents:

• Marriage is the union between a man and a woman.

This has been exclusively true since the dawn of time up until about 1985. I do not believe that the true definition of marriage has changed, even though the majority vote in Supreme Court made a decision about the economy and well-being of Americans that allowed gay couples to wed in the same way. I would encourage you to read the whole case, as well as the testimonies of the dissenting justices.

• Marriage is the bedrock of society. 

Marriage is, always has, and always will be a fundamental social institution. Why? Mainly because of what it produces.What does marriage produce? The marriage of a man and a woman, with divinely inherent, complementary traits and personality, creates an improved man and woman. Like I pointed out in my first blog post, I struggle with bi-polar and anxiety. I can promise you, without having had the experience of two years of marriage under my belt, I would have sat there and cried. There's nothing wrong with sitting around and crying, but the fact that I didn't (in my case) is evidence of my having become a better person. It  has changed me physically (my immune system can handle so much more now, it's great!), emotionally (maturity and intelligence), spiritually (charity, patience, humility to name a few...), and it's changed my circumstances. I have a lot more to contribute to society because I'm a *healthier and wealthier person.

As man and woman pro-create, they bring into the world children that learn and grow from their parents, becoming yet better citizens of society. Obviously, this is not always true because some children who were born within a marriage may end up losing a parent along the way due to death or divorce. Typically, though, those who were once married re-marry and I testify to you that the best environment for children to be raised in is within the bonds of marriage between a man and woman. Healthy, contributing citizens come from healthy marriages and healthy families. This is the ideal we should be striving after, because we've wandered a long way from even the "good enough."

The health of our economy is directly related to the health of the family. We learn most of our morals, ethics, and the like from our families, good or bad. From the early age of only months-old to nearly out the door at eighteen, we're soaking up the examples our parents provide. If we haven't learned that getting an education is important, or at least getting enough experience so we can work hard, then we're not contributing to the economy. Instead, we're sucking it out of the economy through welfare programs and the like. I'm not saying these programs aren't helpful to those in dire straights, because they are! I've been there. However, I know these programs weren't designed to fund the lives of millions for the rest of their existence.

We've been treating at the crisis level for too long. Intervention at the social welfare level is not enough. We need to treat the family and the marriages that start those families. Whatever it takes, we need to find a way to protect the marriages that are healthy, improve the marriages that are not, and give those parents the tools they need to create a successful, healthy, happy family. This is important for our economy, it is important for our spirituality, and our existence in general. We cannot be too afraid to speak out about social ills, moral decay, and fractured families and marriages of today. You may think we live in a nation where just about anything can be said and tolerated, but the truth is that the most important foundation of humanity is suffering and we're too afraid to admit it and make the changes (if anyone else even knew in the first place!) If you're angry, offended, disappointed, or otherwise put off, you know that what I said is true, because if something makes you feel that sharply, you know it's not been said enough.

This is only a small glimpse of the bigger picture I'm trying to convey here, but there's more time for that later. I'll keep my final statement short and simple: gay marriage is not beneficial to society, but marriage between a man and a woman is (More on the matter to come!).

NOTE: I do not hate gay people, I have close family members who are gay and I love them very much. We don't all have to agree to get along - crazy idea, I know. Regardless of what is cool, trendy, okay, or not okay, I'm going to stand up for what I believe. I'm on a journey to become less afraid of being my own person and speaking my own mind, because there's nothing wrong with being Me. I would encourage you to do the same. We could all benefit from being truer to ourselves, to our God, and being more loving and understanding of one another.

**I will go over how marriage makes us healthier in a different blog post another time.